Pizza & A Movie 85: "Fire Island"
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
2022 • R • 1h 45mins • Watch trailer • Stream on Hulu
You’re reading Pizza & A Movie. You walk into your pizza joint and the air smells like molten cheese. You pick up your pizza and ask the guy at the counter, “Hey, what should I rent from Blockbuster next door to go with this?” Tonight, he says, “Lookit, Valentine’s is comin’ up. You seen that one where SNL and his guys look for love on Fire Island? You know the one I mean? It’s uh whatchacallit …” It was right there. He means 2022’s Fire Island.
Here’s the plot. We open on voiceover of the most famous line from Pride and Prejudice. The ferry is leaving for Fire Island and the owner of this voice, Noah (Joel Kim Booster), is late. Waiting for him are longtime friends Howie (Bowen Yang), Luke (Matt Rogers), Keegan (Tomás Matos) and Max (Torian Miller). They all go for a week every year, but their friendship is getting threadbare. Upon their arrival, their host, Erin (Margaret Cho), tells them it’ll be the last year. She’s selling the house. The gang’s got this week only to rekindle their friendship and do some romancing.
Noah makes hooking up his reserved best friend Howie his personal mission. At a party on their first night, Howie meets Charlie (James Scully), a cute doctor / human Ambien. The guy is so relaxed he’s basically a deck chair. Noah, on the other hand, makes a new nemesis, Will (Conrad Rickamora). Can Howie’s spark with Charlie turn into a fire before they leave the island? Is there more to Will than icy stares and curt goodbyes? And uh, hey, you guys ever read Pride and Prejudice? Pretty good, I hear.
A Beginner’s Guide to Fire Island
Where did “Fire Island” come from? Great question. What’s that? Interesting, well, no, it’s not on fire. But yes, it is an island off the South Shore of Long Island. That neck of the woods would have been trappers’ and pelt traders’ stomping grounds in the 1700s. In fact, before they moved in, the Secatogues tribe called that cluster Seal Islands. Story goes that the name we use now, Fire Island, came from a garbling of the Dutch word vier, meaning “four”. The island once had four inlets, hence the name. If that’s true, they’re gone now. Land ownership documents first called it “Fire Island” in 1789.
Oh, the movie? You were asking where the movie Fire Island came from? Okay that started life as a Quibi show. A few years ago Joel Kim Booster wrote the script for a project then called Trip. He and his friend Bowen Yang took the lead roles, playing basically themselves getting up to fictional hijinks. The folks behind Broad City were set to produce.
But, tough break: Quibi shutdown on Dec 1 of ’20. No one wanted short entertainment during the pandemic, especially not from a streaming service named after a Silicon Valley-ifying of the phrase “quick bites”. We were getting TikTok for free already. After six months of being shopped around, Booster’s script got scooped up by Fox Searchlight. Woulda been the end of June ‘21. I imagine those were six very long months for JKB.
Searchlight changed two things. First, duh, they changed the title to Fire Island. You go from a 10-minute episodes concept to a full movie and you can spare a few more letters. Oh, right, that was the other thing—they made it a movie. Gave ‘em room for more cast, more character development, and more Jane Austen.
So You Don’t Remember Brit Lit Class
That’s right, this is based on Pride and Prejudice. Okay okay. Like you, I had to read Pride and Prejudice in high school. And by “read” I mean “skim three chapters before grabbing the Cliffs Notes”. Maybe you’re like me, or maybe you actually did read P&P in 9th grade but don’t remember a lick of it. You’ll be wondering how Fire Island maps to Austen’s 1813 curse on future high school readers.
Let’s try to untangle it. Stumble through with me, won’t you?
In Austen’s novel, the Bennet family, who equal our friend group vacationing under Erin’s roof, are broke. The five Bennet daughters—Elizabeth (Noah), Jane (Howie), Lydia (Luke), Kitty (Keegan) and Mary (Max)—must get married for economic reasons. And maybe for love too, if they’re lucky. Our island boys are limited more by time, though bagging a wealthy doctor or lawyer could help Erin keep her house. Like our guys, the Bennets are loud, colorful and wholly themselves. Austen’s Bennets get themselves to a fancy ball where they meet wealthy new neighbors, including besties Mr. Bingley (James) and Mr. Darcy (Will). Our guys meet Charlie and Will at the mansion party. Bingley likes Jane, but Darcy disses Elizabeth, saying she’s “not hot enough to be so annoying”. Wait, that was our Darcy, Will.
Next, an irritating Lady Catherine de Bourgh (Cooper) interferes, looking after the upper crust at the expense of the lower. Also entering the chat is newcomer Mr. Wickham (Dex), who tells Elizabeth that Darcy did him dirty in the past. Remember how Dex told Noah that Will looked down on Dex having an OnlyFans? Both Elizabeth and Noah readily believe the worst of their respective Darcies because of, you’re not gonna believe this, their prejudice.
Meanwhile, pride both keeps Darcy closed off to Elizabeth-based love and Bingley away from Jane. Darcy eventually tells Elizabeth he’s into her by having a moment in the muddy forest together wait, nope, that was Fire Island again. The 1800s were way less hot. Elizabeth nopes Darcy, but he texts her about Wickham’s true character (it’s bad) and how he really did the right thing like a lot of the time. It’s like that beach letter from Will. Elizabeth realizes she herself, not institutional misogyny, is to blame.
When Wickham and Lydia run away together—the 1800s equivalent of posting nonconsensually filmed sex—both Elizabeth and Darcy save Lydia’s bacon. Twice-saved bacon, twice as delicious. The book wraps up with Bingley marrying Jane, who we can only assume is keeping her own last name rather than sounding like an adverb for a Microsoft search engine, and Elizabeth marrying Darcy.
Everyone’s awash with pride (but in a good way now) and a dash less prejudice and the ferry pulls into port and it’s all high-fives and penises for everyone. Wow it’s really hard to keep these stories straight (buh-dum-psssh). Jane Austen—and Joel Kim Booster—write a mean storyline, no?
How to Build a Fire
Look, it’s hard to put romance on-screen. I figure movies either find the chemistry in casting or they don’t. Can’t make it up later. For every Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan (A+ good job!) there’s a Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson (whomp-whomp). But though screening romance is difficult—and handled okay here—Fire Island excels at something even harder. Friendship.
You know the best friend type—Joan Cusack’s and Judy Greer’s cottage industry? Or the colorful acquaintance—think Seth Rogan or LaKeith Stanfield? They work in romcoms because their loyalty or wackiness distracts you from the question: Why do they like the main character? Shoot, why do they even know each other? Their job isn’t to answer that. Oh no. Over the runtime they’ll be too busy talking sense into the flick’s Julia Roberts, getting them out of jams, or doling out freakishly on-target wisdom.
Fire Island’s five-pack of friends delivers most of the plot’s momentum, but they’re not two-dimensional characters. They push each other to try parties, relationships, drugs, dinners, sex, and keeping an open place in their lives for one another. Individual selfishnesses quickly run their courses. They always care for each other. And I buy they’ve been doing so for a long time. Makes sense! In Pride and Prejudice, they’d be family. But this chosen family is tighter than blood.
Romcom Brownies
Last week I got around to seeing Anyone But You. As you may know (you beautiful genius), it’s another romcom Shakespeare adaptation. Back-to-backing it with Fire Island set my brain loose on what it takes to bake up a romcom.
Here’s what’s happening. It’s Saturday night. You already had a few slices. But your sweet tooth is hungry. You’re rustling up solutions in the cupboards when you find the 6-pack of brownie mix you bought at Costco last time. “We’ll make brownies all the time!” you vaguely remember saying. But you didn’t. You made brownies once. Like a while ago. What goes in the bowl to make the batter? You refresh your memory by consulting the back of the box, which says:
❤️🔥 Pour packet of Hot People into medium bowl
They’re most of what you’ll see in a romcom. They can’t be models. Can’t be normals. Gotta be the upper-middle class of hotness. Folks you can imagine shopping at the grocery store but who would stop your cart in the middle of the aisle if you know what I’m saying.
🏝️ Pour in 1 cup of Interesting Location
Romcoms take a lot of talking scenes. So the backdrop has to put in work. Maybe it’s New York in Glen Powell’s other movie, Set It Up. Or maybe it’s beachfront Australia in Anyone But You. Or maybe it’s gorgeously photographed island spots like in Fire Island. Not matter what, the setting needs a hook.
🏠 Add 3/4 cup of Beautiful House
Someone’s house in every romcom is gonna knock your socks off. In Anyone But You, the parents of the bride inexplicably live in what is essentially a sumptuously appointed bed and breakfast. Nancy Meyers would have loved it. Here, Erin’s island home has an underdog charm that must also come with a hefty property tax. And Will’s beach compound is nothing to sneeze at either.
🥚 Crack in 1 large Crackling Dialogue
The beautiful people of romcoms talk in dilemmas, decisions, ultimatums and sexy zingers. What we don’t need them to do is talk like real people. And they don’t. But this specific kind of dialogue creates the chewy, chocolatey texture we’re hungry for.
⏲️ Bake at medium stakes for 90-105 minutes
We’re not saving humanity here. What’s on the line in a romcom is 1-2 people’s whole lives. Not even whether they live or die. Just, like, what they’re gonna get up to for a few years. And how long should this go on? Hour and a half, ideally, but an hour forty-five is acceptable. Two hours is too long.
Let cool, cut into squares, and enjoy immediately.
Released from Fire Island
How’d this do in ’22? Here in the States it was a Hulu movie, abroad it went out on Disney+. But nowhere did it hit theaters. Which is a shame, because this doesn’t feel like a made-for-TV streaming movie in the way that many do. It’s got Palm Springs (’20) energy. Mades you say, “Not sure why this isn’t a real movie but glad we get it for free!”
Critics felt like it was a real movie. They liked Booster’s screenplay, Yang’s sincere-but-not-overdone take on Jane, and the balance of characters, among other things. I didn’t hear about it from critics though. Fire Island was one of those buzzy movies that seemed to be on everyone’s lips for a few weeks. Unfortunately, like a lot of modern media but especially the streaming variety, I haven’t heard a peep about it since. Which is a shame.
That’s why we took a trip back to Fire Island this week. It’s one of the best romcoms in forever. And one of the best indie flicks. And a great entry in the queer canon. It’s a Valentine’s Day trifecta.
Hope you enjoyed this one! I loved returning to Fire Island. Hadn’t seen it since it dropped but it was even better than I remembered. As my co-viewer pointed out, several scenes are lifted right out of the novel. Bananas to see a movie be this light on its feet, deal with tricky topics, and sneak in vignettes worth fangirling out over.
Do me a favor and share this one with a pal who’d like it too! Don’t let ‘em miss the ferry to Fire Island.
Notes:
Maya Rudolph appeared in the SNL sketches “Gays in Space”. Yang and Booster watched those together in the ‘00s. After Fire Island, Booster acted alongside Rudolph herself in Apple TV+’s Loot. It went full-circle.
Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang are the dynamic duo responsible for Las Culturistas. They’ve been going for 8 years as of next month, which is 64 in podcast years.
Margaret Cho was in Face/Off. Hey, we covered that!
Excellent throw-away joke from Erin, “I was an early investor in Quibi.”
Again, and I can’t say this enough, “Quibi” was short for “Quick Bites”.